Second Life Gender Studies

Saturday, 6 September 2008

What is a woman?

Sadly if you want to know what the social definition of a woman is, or what a woman should be you have to go ask men.

Friday, 5 September 2008

Touch does not exist in SL, so this RL post from a scholar sex worker is interesting insight of the construction of touch.

It's odd, but since I've been back from Poland I've been perhaps overly aware of personal space. Like a feral cat, I become curious about human contact but easily spooked- a lack of sexual contact or context has left me unsure how to handle cuddling with my lovers.

Work is easier. First, I'm usually the Domme, so I get to decide how much contact and it's on my terms. There's an end point, so if I set an expectation high I don't have to do it again, I can just not session with that person anymore. I'm also not going to hurt someone's feelings, the way I might if I shrink away from a lover.

It's odd, being in this sexual world when I'm not really that sexual privately. It's not because of the work I do, I don't think- I get a different sort of rush out of it, the rush of power I suppose, though I have been surprised at how turned on I get in scene. I have recognized through my work that kink is very important for turning me on- erotic massage doesn't do it for me, but if I get to slap your face, my clit responds for sure.

No, I think that as I don't often cum with a partner, sex can be disappointing, because either I'm working for the other person's orgasm, or I'm just wishing I could cum more easily. Working for the other person's orgasm is fun, sure, but I have to be in the right space to put the energy into it... if I've had 3 clients that week, I might be a bit used up in that department. Also, the less sex I have, the less I desire, so it goes into a spiral. MENTALLY I desire the closeness, the intimacy, the orgasms- but I have so much experience with people complaining their wrists hurt, or not being able to maintain a sensation, or just not quite getting there, that I've given up. Things that are different make it easier- sex outdoors, sex in public, sex with strangers, trying something new I haven't incorporated into my play already- those things make me cum hard. But they make me cum hard because they're rare.

Physical touch, then, becomes almost sexual for me, because it's not something I tend to do just for the sake of it. I mean, I'm a hugger, that's ok for me- but other than that, I have to remind myself to hold hands, or pet hair, or do whatever. And as it's not so much a way to show me affection (I like service more, or doing something for me because I ask it) it can feel more like a chore than sweet.

Just some musings on the subject after discussing it with my girlfriend yesterday..

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"If women ran the world, there wouldn't be any war..."

"...nations would tease each other until they developed eating disorders. "

From Domme Scholar PurrVersatility

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The Internet makes me feel fat

Here in the body-obsessed ‘Matrix,’ we're all more self-conscious than ever

By Helen A.S. Popkin

MSNBC

updated 8:56 a.m. ET Aug. 29, 2008

Helen A.S. Popkin

Here’s my "big" problem with the “Matrix” franchise.

It’s not the idea that the “reality” humankind perceives is actually an illusion created by intelligent machines as a means to keep us in a docile state of suspended animation while our bodies are harvested as a power source.

Nor does the beautiful man oft described as “our least talented A-list actor,” portraying humanity’s savior, prevent me from suspending the required disbelief.

This is what drives me nuts. If in the “Matrix,” as in the virtual community “Second Life,” you can dictate the appearance of your online representation, or “avatar,” then why oh why does Morpheus choose to be … um … well … speaking colloquially … fat.

“Fat basher!” is the immediate response from Ree, my colleague in late night nerd proselytizing, whenever I start up this conversation. “Plus, he’s hardly ‘fat!’”

Ree (who takes pride in making her Wii Miis conform to the American body norm) is right. Morpheus (as portrayed by the iconic Laurence Fishburne) is probably within the high end of his BMI … but he sure ain’t Cowboy Curtis. And in a reality where you could look like Keanu Reeves … why don’t you? Why doesn't everyone? Men, women, tiny babies … everyone.

That is my big “Matrix” disconnect. In the Internet age with its endless playground for reinvention and resources for human understanding, it’s painfully clear just how hung up we are on appearances. Even in a world — heck, especially in a world — where computers control our illusions, nobody wants to feel like — let alone be seen as — anything less than an “8.” The deluge of cyberspace images and social cues is making us more self conscious than ever.

Take, for example, the popularity of sites that post before-and-after photos of airbrushed celebrities, such as this entry on the online community crazyGossip. Even more disturbing, there’s the before and after photos on such sites as AwfulPlastic Surgery.com.

These are the Internet age versions of “Stars without makeup!” once the province of gossip rags. With the Internet, however, we don’t have to wait until we hit the supermarket checkout to ponder these sights. We get a 24/7 barrage from our friends e-mailing the nasty little links, along with their comments and criticisms.

We non-famous people whose jobs don’t revolve around our looks (flame author here) don’t need to page Dr. Freud to understand we obsess on these sites to feel better about ourselves. When we unilaterally agree that a size 2 Jennifer Love Hewitt is a pig, including JLH who publicly announced her recent 18-pound weight loss, it’s fairly obvious.

A recent entry in Salon.com’s must-read feminist blog Broadsheet both called out and complimented Alessandra Stanley's New York Times story on weight-loss reality TV shows. The blog writer, body-acceptance activist Kate Harding, praised Stanley for acknowledging that "against a loop of talk shows and made-for-TV dramas about eating disorders, Americans are goaded into ever more drastic and extreme expectations of physical perfection."

Earlier in the piece, however, Harding criticizes Stanley’s seemingly incongruous statement that programs such as “The Biggest Loser” feed complacency in viewers, in part by creating an illusion that the arduous road to weight loss is no biggie. Harding writes, “How does being inspired to diet represent ‘complacency’ about one's (or one's kid's) fatness again?”

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